It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize