When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize