Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize