Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
