Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
