Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize