she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
