I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
