i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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