I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
