Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
