Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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