having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
