Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
