had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
