i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
