this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
