cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize