just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
