I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you had me at cake vodka
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
