I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
