I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
His nipple licking is glorious
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
