I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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