bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
