The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize