My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
