Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
