Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
