I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
