is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
