Pants 0. Shit 1.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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