and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
