I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
