sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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