they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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