Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
