Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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