So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
