i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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