So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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