in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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