What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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