i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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