Cold hands, warm shart.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
They took my balls.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
