I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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