i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
