we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize