somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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