he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
