I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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