How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
