i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
