So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
