porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
