Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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