i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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