I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
