I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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