well I can't set my house on fire every night
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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