I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
