she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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