i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
