i always forget guys have bellybuttons
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
