My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
