i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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