Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize