I think my vagina is haunted
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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