Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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