There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
