I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
