My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
