The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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