Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
