weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
