How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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