I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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